Debi Johnson Coaching

Only I am responsible for me

Thank you Oprah’s life class!   I was moments away from going into the kitchen to snack, that’s how I have dealt with things lately, eating to cope with life stressers. 

I turned on my tv at 8:00 pm and listened to Oprah’s words and I swear she was talking to me!  
   
“Only I am responsible for me.  I am the only one that can bring on change in my life.  Only I can move my life forward.  I have been waiting for a divine miracle…God has been waiting on me.”

Words I needed to hear as I am back into my unhealthy eating pattern.  I have put on weight and it doesn’t feel good.  I almost didn’t write this, but change can’t come about when hidden in secret.  Here I am a life coach helping other’s with their goals, yet I find myself stuck in the muck myself.  I have been so busy with work, coaching and life, but not paying attention to my own body and soul.  Yes, I do know better, but I turned my back on myself.  I allowed the eating disordered thinking to creep back into my life, instead of keeping my recovery first.   

There was a man on the Oprah Life class tonight that had weighed over 700 pounds before he set out on a weight loss venture.  He began eating less food, making healthier choices and working out at the gym.  Just watching this very large man going to a gym was humbling to me.  He was battling for his life.  He even began to lead a water aerobics class.  Then he lost part of his foot to diabetes and he still kept it up.  He had lost close to 200 pounds and is still going.  Wow!  He took responsibility for himself.  He refused to wait around in the confines of his house any longer.  He was moving his life forward.

I am going to go back to the basics as I was taught by my own life coaches; work on my limiting thoughts, feel my feelings and not stuff them down, listen to my hunger and fullness, and take one day, one hour, one meal at a time.  I will also “tune in” to my intuition and what my soul is telling me. 

I love the prayer “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”. 

I can never ever be perfect and I don’t want to be.  I do want to be healthy and feel good in my body.  I want to honor my body giving it the respect that it deserves. 

One thing that I can say is that I am right in there with all of you that struggle with your weight and the war within.  We are all responsible for ourselves.  No one is going to rescue us ~ we have the power to bring on the change that we want in our lives.  Our coaches and mentors can guide us, but we need to do the work.

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Alaskan cruise ~ letting go of my fears

Fear.  When I think about it I imagine that my feet are stuck in mucky mud; I want to move forward, but that muddy fear keeps me stuck.  It feels like it takes away my power.  My fear about taking a cruise almost stopped me from having one of the most awesome times of my life.  I’m so glad that I was able to leave my fear shoes in the sludge and take off running toward some ocean fun!  

Tell me, just what do you envision when you think of a cruise; maybe relaxation, dream vacation, rest, fun, or romantic? 
For me, the word FEAR come up.  For years that was the neon word that kept me hidden from so many things. 

My husband would occasionally bring up the word “cruise” or “ship”, but I would change the subject.  I didn’t want to even consider the idea.  It unsettled me.   I envisioned being trapped in the middle of the ocean, probably seasick and being tempted by irresistible food at my beckon and call 24/7.  I was stuck in my own limiting scary thoughts.  With an eating disorder in my past, I have always worried about being on a ship with an “all you can eat” buffet of decadent foods and desserts.  I imagined my husband finding me diving into a mocha cheesecake and not being able to stop. 

Interestingly, I needed to give myself credit!  I didn’t think about how I have discovered self trust and compassion.  I know so much more about who I am now.  I’m on my own side and don’t want to lose that.     
 
When I got to the dock in Seattle, I excitedly walked up on top of the huge cruise ship.  I watched the dock get smaller as the ship cruised out to sea.  The green ocean and the skies were all part of the perfect package.  The party music played as people danced as the ocean breezes blew.  My fears weren’t invited to this party.  It was just “kick ass” fun!  This was another new adventure and I soaked it in. 

I never did get sea sick, even when our ship rocked a bit, it was all okay.  As for the food that I had worried about for years, I realized that it was just food.  It wasn’t this big powerful scary monster that would over take me with giant bites of cherries jubilee and crème Brule.   I could eat what I wanted to eat, stop when I had enough and just walk away.  This was freedom from disordered eating.  There was no dieting, no binging, just eating normally with my friends.  There was a point in my life where this wouldn’t have been possible.  I felt blessed that I could let my guard down and enjoy life.

There are many more things that I long to do and adventures that I want to jump into.  I still have fears, but I notice them and don’t let them rule my life.  I still stand by my creed that “life is one big adventure and we are meant to live it to its fullest.   It’s sad, frightening, amazing, lonely, loving, and then some, but it’s all rolled up into one big ball of amazing adventures. 

We are so fortunate that we are able to be a part of this awesome thing called “being alive.”

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